The Release of Energy
I sit at my desk all day. I try to get up, move around, but it could be hours before I get to my feet. I come home, write, watch Netflix, maybe even go on a walk. But there’s something thrumming inside me, something with clenched eyes shut, bouncing on its toes. Sometimes I try to release it with a deep breath or a tight fist, or rolling my wrists, but only one thing seems to fix it.
Getting on those mats, taking mighty falls, throwing kicks, shouting.
It doesn’t matter if I’m tired from the week, stressed out from work, or I know the work-out is going to lay me down. I’m buzzing with anticipation for the big release. All that pent up energy can finally realize itself. I’ve described being thrown before, and what it’s like to hit the mat. It’s like every cell in my body snaps awake with a gasp of excitement. When I shout a kiap, it’s like all that negative build up, all that restraint is finally untethered.
We’re so quiet, you know? We’re so still. We do our jobs, we sit in our chairs, we use our inside voices, our customer service voices. When do we get to run, leap, kick a bag? When do we get to wrestle on the ground, every muscle activated? When do we get to throw and be thrown, body to body, body to floor? When do we really get to cut loose and yell?
There have been times when, for some reason or another, I couldn’t train. It’s feels like a nagging malaise, a lurking building sort of beast in a cage. I could work out, I could walk around downtown, but there’s nothing like martial arts practice. Because, at least for me, martial arts is an emotional experience, it’s a team experience, it’s something more than going to the gym. It provides a special kind of therapy, a special kind of catharsis.
It’s meditative to be able to let go of all that daily restraint, and almost feels like a little secret.
Coworker: Oh, you do martial arts?
Me: Yea, it’s pretty great.
Coworker: Ha ha, I won’t mess with you!
But not all secrets can be expressed, not all important things can be trusted with everyone. Some things need to be kept close, because they can’t be explained without sharing something intimate. (Sharing this post on a public blog is kind of a contradiction to that, I know. So to any of my career or casual acquaintances who might be reading – hi. This certainly isn’t the most personal post you could read here. )
So here’s to exploding. Here’s to sitting and waiting all day for practice to come. Here’s to loud voices, big throws, and swift kicks from the soul.
Article image is an excerpt of a full work by Sarah Carney, Shout Sister Shout